Lifestyle, Uncategorized

Sibling Stress

Sibling-Stress

How to Navigate A Stressful Relationship with a Sibling

 

Parents have a huge effect on the people their children become. But there’s another family dynamic that can influence us just as much, if not more: the one with our siblings. Relationships with brothers and sisters usually continue long after our parents are gone, and they affect us at every stage of life.

 

Never is this more evident than when we struggle with an adult sibling. It is normal for brothers and sisters to compete with each other as kids, and even fight; parents often assume we’ll grow out of it, and many of us do. Yet simmering resentments about family roles or parental favoritism can persist over time and cause real pain and rivalry.

 

We may also find ourselves at odds with a sibling over core values — like political or religious views, or how to best raise our kids — and these differences can intensify routine disagreements.

 

As intractable as sibling conflicts can seem, they don’t need to be permanent, says psychotherapist Jeanne Safer, PhD. Adjusting our perceptions and taking a few simple actions can help build the best possible bonds with our challenging brothers and sisters, even if the relationships might never be perfect.

 

CHALLENGES TO OVERCOME

Idealizing sibling relationships.   “We have this idea that these relationships are, or should be, wholly positive,” says Safer, “and we use them as metaphors for very high ideals: Sisterhood is powerful. All men are brothers. It can be hard to live up to the idealizations.”

Parental favoritism. Safer says parental favoritism plays a prominent role in nearly all sibling conflicts — and it has its roots in a parent’s experience with his or her own siblings. “If a parent is the youngest of three children, and has three children, she is probably going to favor the youngest child, seeing herself there unconsciously,” she explains.

Denial. Believing you’ve outgrown any childhood rivalry with your sibling, or that you should have, makes it hard to address underlying resentments.

Differing destinies. If one sibling has a more successful career, is luckier in love, or has an easier time having or raising children, this can sustain resentments developed in childhood, Safer says. She cites the case of a physician who was a failed musician. The doctor envied her less-affluent sister, who played the piano beautifully.

Opposing values. You may be a lifelong Democrat and your sister a staunch Republican, or you may let your kids roam free while your brother keeps his on a short leash. If these differences create tension, Safer believes it indicates historical factors are at play. “These differences in values can usually be handled if the underlying issues are addressed,” she says.

Divergent memories. We might be angry at siblings who don’t share our views of the family system, but Safer believes that our memories and experiences are inevitably different. “You and your siblings have the same biological parents but live in different ‘psychological families’ because of the different roles you play,” she says.

Parental interference. When conflict erupts between siblings, parents often push for immediate reconciliation, Safer notes. “This very often means that the higher-functioning sibling is supposed to suck it up and tolerate anything that the lower-functioning one does.”

STRATEGIES FOR SUCCESS

Take the initiative. “If you’re waiting for your sibling to address the issues between you, you may have to wait a very long time,” says Safer. “Get the ball rolling by reaching out yourself.”

Remember the good things. If you’re preparing to address a conflict with your sibling, Safer suggests a positive focus. Recall times when he or she was kind to you, stood up for you, helped you with something. “In your conversation, bring it up and thank him or her.”

Ask your sibling about his or her experience. Ask how he or she felt in your family — and be open to the explanation. Don’t expect it to match your own. Safer suggests this type of approach: “I really want to make things better between us, and I think that starts with our childhood. What was your experience of our parents?”

Address difficulties directly. Don’t let a casual “Mom likes you best” or “I always have to take care of everything” pass without a sincere response, Safer says. Ask if the two of you can talk about it. Explain that you want to connect and get beyond your roles.

Listen nondefensively. “You need to do a lot of listening,” says Safer. “And you need to listen particularly carefully to what the sibling has to say about the person you least want to hear about — yourself.”

Offer your services. Your sibling may respond better to what you do than what you say, especially if he or she is less inclined to ask for help, Safer notes. Offer to watch the kids, do some cooking, run errands. This allows you to show your implicit regard for him or her, which can help build trust.

Settle for modest improvements. Sibling struggles are deeply rooted, and they don’t always change for the better immediately — or completely. Your sibling might disagree that your issues stem from early family life, and he or she may not be ready for change. “But trying counts,” says Safer. “If you can go from being so estranged that you can’t stand to be together to being able to be decent to each other, that’s big progress.”

 

Please contact us with any of your concerns.

Health and Wellness Associates

Archived   J Spayde

312-972-WELL

HealthWellnessAssociates@gmail.com

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Uncategorized

Impetigo

impetigo

Impetigo

 

Impetigo (im-puh-TIE-go) is a common and highly contagious skin infection that mainly affects infants and children. Impetigo usually appears as red sores on the face, especially around a child’s nose and mouth, and on hands and feet. The sores burst and develop honey-colored crusts.

 

Treatment with antibiotics is generally recommended to help prevent the spread of impetigo to others. It’s important to keep your child home from school or day care until he or she is no longer contagious — usually 24- 48 hours after you begin antibiotic treatment.

Depending on the adults working environment, these bacterial blisters can develop on any age adult also.  Ask for prevention methods.

imopetigo2

 

Classic signs and symptoms of impetigo involve red sores that quickly rupture, ooze for a few days and then form a yellowish-brown crust. The sores usually occur around the nose and mouth but can be spread to other areas of the body by fingers, clothing and towels. Itching and soreness are generally mild.

 

A less common form of the disorder, called bullous impetigo, may feature larger blisters that occur on the trunk of infants and young children.

 

A more serious form of impetigo, called ecthyma, penetrates deeper into the skin — causing painful fluid- or pus-filled sores that turn into deep ulcers.

 

When to see a doctor

 

If you suspect that you or your child has impetigo, consult your family doctor, your child’s pediatrician or a dermatologist.

 

Causes

 

You’re exposed to the bacteria that cause impetigo when you come into contact with the sores of someone who’s infected or with items they’ve touched — such as clothing, bed linen, towels and even toys.

 

Risk factors

 

Factors that increase the risk of impetigo include:

 

Age. Impetigo most commonly occurs in children ages 2 to 5.

Crowded conditions. Impetigo spreads easily in schools and child care settings.

Warm, humid weather. Impetigo infections are more common in summer.

Certain sports. Participation in sports that involve skin-to-skin contact, such as football or wrestling, increases your risk of developing impetigo.

Broken skin. The bacteria that cause impetigo often enter your skin through a small skin injury, insect bite or rash.

Adults and people with diabetes or a weakened immune system are more likely to develop ecthyma.

 

Complications

 

Impetigo typically isn’t dangerous. And the sores in mild forms of the infection generally heal without scarring.

You will want to consult someone about what foods intake should change, and other precautionary measures, since once you have had impetigo you are more prone to develop an auto immune disorder.

 

Rarely, complications of impetigo include:

 

Cellulitis. This potentially serious infection affects the tissues underlying your skin and eventually may spread to your lymph nodes and bloodstream. Untreated cellulitis can quickly become life-threatening.

Kidney problems. One of the types of bacteria that because impetigo can also damage your kidneys.

Scarring. The ulcers associated with ecthyma can leave scars.

Doctors or your health care professional usually diagnose impetigo by looking at the distinctive sores. Lab tests generally aren’t necessary.

 

IF you have any concerns about this, or how to prevent an auto immune disease please contact us.

Health and Wellness Associates

Archived

312-972-WELL

HealthWellnessAssociates@gmail.com